I’ve been feeling weird the last couple of days, but for some reason it seemed to hit its peak tonight. I’m guessing I’m overthinking, and I knowwww I should just focus on the present moment. But the present moment almost feels uncomfortable. I’ve got this pit in my stomach and a pit in my throat.
I just don’t feel like I fit in anywhere clearly. Like, I know we aren’t our stereotypes, and we don’t have to fit into any one box, but sometimes it doesn’t feel that way. You can read a lot of spiritual books and be aware of the fact you should be living in the present and just enjoy life, but it’s funny how the ego can coax us back into identifying with it.
My ego, for awhile, has despretly tried to find a home. It wanted to build up this grand image of itself. And no matter what I did, I never felt like it was enough. I tried to be sporty-that failed and I didn’t like it one bit. I tried going out and drinking a bunch, that wasn’t really me either. I tried just staying in and cooking, but I was missing the social aspects of things. In relationships I like making the other person feel as amazing as possible, but for some reason that was sometimes seen as weak. I felt like no matter what I tried, my ego wasn’t happy with it. On the outside I was happy and carefree, but inside I was filled with this strange feeling like anxiety.
The truth is (and maybe this is obvious to all of you but for some reason my ego can’t comprehend), I don’t think any of us fit into one box. I think people can have tons of different interests. I think it’s okay to have different passions, hobbies, to try one thing this week and a new thing the next. I don’t think any of it really matters. I think the most important part is you do what feels good for you, for your soul, and not your ego.
Don’t let your mind mess up a beautiful day by overthinking it. Just enjoy life. Don’t worry about if you seem to fit in somewhere, just do you and the right people and circumstances will come along. You will be taken care of, but you need to drop all of the things you think you are supposed to do, and start doing the things you actually enjoy. And if you don’t know what you enjoy, go and try different things. Action will remove doubt, not overthinking something. If you don’t know what you are into, go make a list of everything you think you might like and start checking them off one by one. You don’t have to mark them all off in one day, take your time with it and have fun.
I hope this helped anyone that may have needed it. I hope you all have a wonderful night!